Boost Attendance?

I recently attended a major college football game. It was absolutely awesome. Going to a football game is very special. You know, you can learn several things at a football game, and I think I now know how we can boost attendance at the meetings of the Lord’s church.

Here are my conclusions:

1.        We’re going to replace our cushioned pews with steel benches and remove the backs. (Our elders will have backs for rent for a modest fee).

2.        We’re going to make people sit very close to each other, especially close to those we don’t even know.

3.        We’re going to take off the top of the building. There must be something about having a top on the building that keeps people from coming in.

4.        We’re going to have someone holler real loud in the loud speaker. I guess that will be me since I have the loudest mouth.

Oh yea, one last thing. We’re going to make everyone pay $50.00 to get in, even before they know the outcome. The average in attendance at college football games is 81,000. You know, I think we would settle for 81,000 at our meetings.

Oh, one more thing. We’re going to change our services the three hours instead of one. Boy, with these changes, you’d better come early next Sunday in order to get a good parking place.

The elders are discussing how much to charge for parking and hiring parking lot attendants. That will be announced later. (Adapted and re-adapted and adapted a little more. -- In Kentucky, make that Rupp Arena or Freedom Hall. - DRS)

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